Arrr, Where's the Rum Gone?

I was going to write this post over a month ago, when I saw ‘Pirates of the Caribbean 2’, (and when I first noticed that my eyesight was getting slightly worse in one eye). But then stuff happened, you know, and I just forgot about it. Finally got round to it now.

Here’s the deal. For those of you who don’t know, I wear contact lenses, without which I'm quite blind. A month ago, I realised that I couldn’t see as well with my right eye as I used to. So I went to the optometrist for a check-up and she said something about astigmatism, gave me some eye drops and sent me on my way.

But that’s not my point. The point, if I can call it that, is this. Given my rather fertile imagination, fuelled by the fact that I had just seen the aforementioned movie, where Mr. Depp once again gives an over-the-top performance as the uber-cool pirate Captain Jack Sparrow, I decided that this rather mild eye problem warranted an eye-patch. Having settled on the eye-patch, I thought it would really awesome to get a wooden peg and a talking parrot, and perhaps a hat with skull-and-crossbones. And of course, the most important thing of all, RUM. Lots of rum! If you want to talk like a pirate, drink an entire bottle of rum first. It’s much easier after that. Trust me, I know these things.

Let’s face it. Pirates are cool. But I can't just start dressing like a pirate. At work I’m expected to wear a suit and tie and look all professional. I’m pretty sure my boss will be less than amused when I turn up to work completely sozzled, with an eye-patch and a talking parrot on one shoulder. Now how does one get around this little problem?

And then it hit me! I could change my religion...to Pastafarianism! And worship the Flying Spaghetti Monster!

It’s a brilliant plan. That would sort everything out.

That would give me every right to dress up like a pirate, talk like a pirate, and while the religion does not advocate drinking lots of rum, I’m pretty sure it is what any pirate worth his sea-salt would do.

Arrrr! It be true, maties!

It has heaps of personal benefits. I’d save money on contact lenses, because I’d need them for only one eye. With a wooden peg, I’d only need one sock and one shoe. And I wouldn’t have those huge dry-cleaning bills anymore, because the suit’s gone. Might have to clean the birdshit from my right shoulder once a while though.

Actually, thinking about it, I probably won’t save any money at all. I’ll end up spending it on rum and birdseed. Unless I feed the bird rum as well. Hmmm…

Of course, I’ll be doing my bit for the environment, by helping reduce global warming.

You guys probably think I’m nuts, and have no idea what I’m talking about. Arrr, but you’ll see soon enough. I’ve provided some links below, that’ll help you make sense of it all.

Here’s the Wikipage on Pastafarianism.

And here’s the letter that started it all. You can see what I mean about global warming.

I’d probably do a bad job of explaining it anyway.

Besides, I’d rather be practicing my pirate speech, and drinking rum.

RAmen!