The Wedding Singer

How did I get myself into this? Oh yes, I was plastered at the time. %*###^& !!! This should be reason enough to stop drinking.

Ok, here's the situation. A friend of mine asked me, at one of these random parties when I was mother-drunk, to compose a song for her wedding, which, by the way, is fast approaching. Apparently, drunken fool that I am, I had agreed then. She's now holding me to my word. This is going to be the couple's song or something like that. You'd think I'd be quite pleased and honoured by this request, but no. I'm actually dreading it.

Why me? The only things I've composed in my life are emails. Gaaah!

Like someone very rightly pointed out, why can't they get a DJ and play some CDs like everyone else?!

Now, for those of you who don't already know, I've sung at weddings before. Well, at the reception afterwards anyway. Twice.

The first time was planned, and we had practiced. It was in some beach house reception party in Chennai. It was horrible. ( My singing and playing, I mean, not the party). I believe some of the guests were scarred for life. Thankfully, the couple are still happily married and remain my good friends, for some strange reason, so I can't have done too much damage. Shortly after that, our (band?) split up and I decided to flee the country, move to Australia, shave my head and stay away from weddings.

3 years after that incident, I felt it was safe to attend weddings again, without people flinging things in my general direction. And this wedding I had to attend. (Ahem...ex-girlfriend and all that.) Anyhoo, there I was at the wedding reception in the Cochin Yacht club, minding my own business, 6 drinks down, listening to the resident Mallu band dish out some staple Elvis and Cliff Richard, when some very enthustiastic uncle found out I could sing and dragged me off to the stage. Suddenly there I was, conversing to the bassist of the aforementioned Mallu band, and telling him we're going to play some CCR. I think most of the guests were taken by surprise, but in the end, I vaguely remember hearing applause. It was definitely better than 3 years ago.

After playing another song, I snuck off stage and tried to make myself invisible. That didn't work, because some other uncle, from the groom's side, came up to me and offered me a job. Said he was a music talent scout or some such thing, and apparently he thought I had talent. Loads of it. For a fleeting moment, I considered throwing away my day job and becoming the resident wedding singer of the Cochin Yacht Club, playing the token wedding songs, in return for unlimited amounts of toddy, banana chips fried in coconut oil and fish curry. Ahh, the life...Fame! Glory! Fish! Then reality bit me in the ass. I looked the drunk (so-called) talent scout squarely in the eye, and said "Thanks, but no thanks", and scooted to get some food.

Right, now here I go again. Ans this time I have to actually compose a song. Write lyrics and stuff! Gulp! Obviously someone has grossly over-estimated my talents.

This wedding singing business is getting to be a bad habit, and it worries me. No good will come of this.

HEEEELP!!!